Dear Santa, 2015 has been a busy year for all of us, most of all you. I’m sure that with only a few more days to go, you must be burning the midnight oil trying to cross everyone off your naughty list to streamline your evening on the 24th as much as possible. I don’t mean to be a pain, but if it isn’t too late, I would like to submit my Christmas list to you. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find everything on there. Now before you read this, I want you to understand that I wasn’t raised with religion, and the whole flying/north pole/being-everywhere-at-once-magic thing confused me early on, so my perspective is a little skewed. You have to admit there is a slightly Godly aspect to your shtick, which might help you to understand the general direction I’m heading in with this list. Ok, here goes: 1. I’d like a 1963 Fender Telecaster with rosewood fingerboard and clay dot inlays. Any colour will do, but if you can find a blonde one, that would be sick. I feel like when I was a kid with new sneakers: I was the same athletically, which is to say not at all, but I felt that I could run faster and jump higher. I feel that this guitar would do the same for my musicianship. 2. I would like for you to give Donald Trump 3 years of aggressive diarrhea. I wouldn’t wish any harm on anyone, but this seems benign enough, and I think we’d all have a good laugh. Just imagine the joy we’d all get of seeing his already orange face get even more flushed as he would be interrupted during a hate speech to take a giant dump. It would be poetic. 3. Can you do something about the snow? I know I’ve complained in the past about all the shoveling, but a little wouldn’t hurt, would it? I mean, you live in the North Pole for Christ’s sake. 4. A face-to-face meeting with Elon Musk (business magnate who founded PayPal); I’ve got a cool idea I want to pitch. 5. Talk to someone about all the one-ways on the Plateau. I haven’t made a left-turn in months. 6. Since adults are having trouble with this idea, can you maybe whisper in the kids’ ears that unless you are of First Nations heritage, we are all refugees? Might help. Just sayin’. 7. Two words: Ban Nickleback 8. No more M. Night Shyamalan films. Please. 9. If you can talk to the CRTC and have them look into why we can stream music and not pay the artists, while simultaneously paying so much for wifi. Seems like someone is getting the short end of the stick here. 10. Just go ahead and accept all the iTunes updated terms and conditions for the next 5 years. Well, I guess that wraps it up. I have a busy year coming up, so I’ll try to get some rest. In the meantime, feel free to let me know if there is anything I can do to help with the list. Please do your best on items 2 and 6. Sincerely, Andre. Réagissez à cet article / Comment this article commentaires / comments
